He ventured forth to bring light to the world

The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action
- and a blessing to all his faithful followers.

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush
the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian
desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a
Child appeared in the wilderness.
The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple
family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white
person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked
in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the
odd weed and a little blow.
When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City
of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organisation with
the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at
what they heard and said among themselves: "Verily, who is this Child
that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?"
In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving
Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian
hordes of Working Class Whites.
And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of
the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to
bring the light unto all the world.
He travelled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue
that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the
Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the
Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining
terror on all the world.
And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the
Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that
ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the
Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows
and the threat of terror was no more.
From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the
great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his
Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior
Petraeus tried to destroy it.
And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great
Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible
mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in
disaster, the Child's very presence suddenly brought forth a great
victory for the forces of the light.
And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to
speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace.
At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and
beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.
From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered
through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who
had followed him from afar cheered "Hosanna" and waved great palm
fronds and strewed them at his feet.
In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the
Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an
instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and
Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.
As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works,
peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids;
Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.
And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of
the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to
decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.
The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was
the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the
one generations had been waiting for.
And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the
Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from
Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead
birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in
foreclosure were able to borrow again.
Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per
barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though
they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.
And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears
witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the
truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New
York Times.
Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped
onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of
Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to
them at length.
But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was
hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited
for him.
And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they
had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread
and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed
the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled
twelve baskets.
Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess
Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in
love with the Child, but he was tempted not.
On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the
ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by
the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and
his successor, David the Golden One.
And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the
whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all
praising God and singing: "Yes, We Can."